How Couples Therapy Helped Aditya and Shreya: A Real-Life Case Study

How Couples Therapy Helped Aditya and Shreya: A Real-Life Case Study

Couples therapy is a safe space, facilitated by the therapist, where you and your partner work together to better understand your relationship, not by finding faults or blaming one another, but by healing the patterns hurting you both.

Trauma-informed couples therapy believes that most people carry unresolved childhood wounds and that they show up in our closest relationships. We are often controlled silently by these wounds in how we react, protect ourselves and seek closeness or distance in our relationship. 

Instead of focusing on the question, “What’s wrong with this relationship?”, the focus is often on the root cause:

• What relational templates did each partner bring from their childhood?
• What pain is being activated in each partner and how is it showing up in this dynamic?
• What protective strategies are being used? How is that impacting or triggering their partner’s wounds?
• How can safety, understanding, and compassion be restored?

This approach acknowledges both partners’ stories and pain. It recognizes behaviors such as emotional withdrawal, defensiveness or criticism as survival adaptations to pain, not flaws. Further, it invites you to view your partner from a place of curiosity, not judgment.

LET’S HAVE A CLOSER LOOK AT A REAL LIFE EXAMPLE

Aditya and Shreya arrived at couples therapy after years of feeling like they've been living like flatmates, instead of romantic partners. They appeared like a functional couple on the outside with shared responsibilities, polite communication, and no explosive fights. But there was emotional disconnection on the inside. 

They were stuck in a loop where Shreya felt invisible and Aditya felt criticised. 

Whenever there was conflict, Shreya tried to connect with Aditya by pursuing him, asking him to talk, resolve, repair, seeking assurance but Aditya felt overwhelmed and shut down emotionally.

As a result, Shreya criticised him, telling him he doesn't care about her and Aditya felt that Shreya was trying to control her. Their relationship became transactional and void of any form of intimacy.

During couples therapy, it became apparent that these patterns weren't random and that they stemmed from both of their childhood. Shreya had grown up believing love was conditional and that the only way to not get abandoned and feel emotional connection is by chasing, to prove her worth, fight for closeness, and overfunction. Aditya, on the other hand, had grown up in a household where emotions were dismissed, even punished, so he coped by numbing and withdrawing.

They learned that they weren't trying to actively hurt each other, rather empathised with each other's wounds and held each other's stories with compassion. Through couples therapy, they were able to talk about their defenses, listen without assuming, and offer support and safety they've been longing for their entire lives. 

CAN COUPLES THERAPY HELP ME TOO?

Contrary to popular belief, you don’t need to seek out couples therapy only when your relationship is on the verge of collapse. If you’re curious about what to expect in couples therapy, read our honest guide before getting started. In fact, research has demonstrated that couples therapy is most effective when initiated early, not just as a last resort. 

These relational interventions didn’t just improve an individual’s mental health but also supported long-term marital stability when applied early or preventatively. Our online marriage counselling in India services are available whenever you’re ready. 

You might benefit from couples therapy if:

• You are feeling emotionally invalidated or disconnected 
• You are feeling chronically misunderstood
• You are stuck in same conflicts that seem unresolvable
• You are trying to repair after infidelity, trauma or accumulated resentment
• You are struggling with emotional and physical intimacy
• You are struggling with conflicting parenting styles and values